my money...in love

Last night I watched Suze Orman present "Women & Money" on PBS. I've know about Suze Orman for ages, but I never picked up a book or watched an interview (although I did watch a snippet of "Can I Afford This?" and thought it was pretty funny). I didn't bother to engage with her work, since I figured she talks about what to do with your income -- RothIRAs, trust funds, stocks or whatever, and I don't know what those things are. Plus, I don't have an income.

Well, last night she lectured about the relationship between women and their money, and how it's usually dysfunctional. I tried to be cynical -- I don't usually like pop psychology reasons for why I do the things that I do. But Suze gave example after example....of me.

She said women can be bad with money because we think we're bad at math and don't understand the numbers or jargon. I'm so there. My seventh grade math teacher (who was female) told me once not to worry about flunking her class -- "Math is hard for girls," she said. (I'm only 25!! That was in the '90s!!) I can balance my checkbook (in Excel), but calculating in my head just doesn't happen. It's true -- I'm afraid of my shortcomings here and so avoid confronting my money here.

Suze Orman also said women are bad with money because we don't really think we deserve it. While I'll be the first to describe me as self-centered, when it comes to money...I truly suffer from generosity. Does a friend need something? BAM! Here comes my credit card. "Oh, you can pay me back whenever...." turns into never, because I won't ask. What really struck me here is my money (money!!) is the only area where I will not be pushy and demanding.

Suze talked about how being pushy and demanding and even a little selfish with your money for a while will put you in a much better place. If you take care of it, save for yourself, own your own things, etc., then when you give something to someone, you won't suffer from worry about bouncing your account or secretly begin to resent that they haven't paid you back. You can truly gift people just for the joy of gifting. Until then...well, I'll just need to give people home-made cookies when they need help.

One last thing she said that really hit home for me was that once you take care of yourself financially, you'll be clean. At first I was like, "What is this snake potion? Buy her book and you'll be rich, thin, and clutter-free?" But she had an excellent point -- when you don't care about things, and don't take care of them, what does it say about your attitude towards the money (and the time you spent earning it) that bought them? That really, really applies to me. Since I've started this blog, I've reflected that my life is not only out of control on the books. I think: "If my house is clean, then I can sit down and understand finances," or "If only I had more money, then I wouldn't worry and could clean this place up." It's true, the two are interconnected, but one doesn't follow the other -- they go together. I need to look at where my money has gone -- furniture that's covered in dust, clothes I can't find, books stacked up to my butt that I haven't read. I'm disrespecting my money and my (feeble) earning power when I let stuff go to hell like this. WOW.

Sorry if that seems elementary to some of you. I'm still a little gobsmacked...but I did my dishes last night after dinner. And I'll be doing them again before I leave my house. AND...I'm going to place a library hold on Suze Orman's Women and Money right this instant.